1). “There will be no service on the London Underground this weekend due to planned industrial action.” Meanwhile, we’ll use that time to install 40 new 12-inch plasma TVs aimlessly placed side-by-side on our escalators.
2). “This escalator has been turned off to save energy.”…at King’s Cross…at rush hour…
3). “This jacket is not designed to cover a thick skin.” - Ian (the long-haired platform announcer who last year assaulted an old man!)
4). “Our staff are always here to help.” Commuter asks TFL employee: “There are currently severe delays on the Central line, what route should I take?” Response: “Take the Central line.” Right.
5). “We are constantly working to improve our service.” Which is why in 2010 we had a good service on all our London Underground lines for the entire day….once.
6). “Tube fares have increased in order to fund service improvements.” So I guess we’ll just have to take your word for it then?
7). “Feel free to contact us if you have a complaint, and we’ll be sure to get back to you.”.…in about 6-12 months.
8). 18th October 2010: “We’re currently experiencing some minor delays on the Jubilee line, we should be on the move shortly.”… 2 hours, and several passed-out passengers later, the travellers are informed that they will have to exit the train and walk through the pitch black tunnel until they get to the next platform. They were then kindly requested to swipe their Oyster cards as they exited the station.
9). “The Waterloo and City line is currently suspended between Waterloo and Bank.” So basically, there is no Waterloo and City line.
10). “The Central line has no service between Marble Arch and West Ruislip, the Jubilee line is part suspended between Waterloo and Stanmore due to planned engineering works, the Bakerloo line is experiencing minor delays due to an earlier signal failure at Liverpool Street, the District line has no service between West Brompton and Richmond, the Northern line is experiencing severe delays due to vandalism, on the Hammersmith and City line, there is no service between Liverpool street and Aldgate, there is no Eastbound service between Green Park and Cockfosters on the Piccadilly line due to planned maintenance work, the Metropolitan line has no service between Moorgate and Aldgate, the Circle line is experiencing minor delays due to a signal failure at Bayswater, there is no escalator service on the Waterloo and City line. There is currently a good service operating on all other London Underground Lines.” – Don’t you mean “all other line”?
Even BoJo's shocked!
On a more positive note, there is one thing we do love about taking the tube: the funny platform-announcer at Waterloo who always gets the whole carriage laughing!
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