Day 4 - "Bullet Bagels"

After the positive TV dinner experience last night Val and I woke up feeling happy and ready to try more of what Tesco’s Value range has to offer. Not phased by their utterly awful Toilet Roll we decided to try out TV Conditioner instead of our usual beautifully packaged gorgeous smelling Herbal Essences and L’Oreal. Read on to see what we thought of that “experience” (only way to describe it!) as well as seeing what we thought of our food.

Keli:

Definitely feeling more satisfied by my food last night I woke up without the “Oh great more TV food” feeling that I’ve been blessed with for the past 3 days! Breakfast consisted of those little Yoghurts I can’t stop raving about alongside the Toast. Yes, the Toast was bad as I remembered, although luckily for me it didn’t crumble – I think it’s because it’s going slightly stale – yum! Next, was lunch; after enjoying the TV Potatoes I thought I’d have a basic Potato salad made with the un-ripe Tomatoes from yesterday, sounds appetising I know!  To accompany this, I thought I’d have a Bagel, seeing as I have so many left over. Now I’m currently in the process of asking Tesco to change the name of this product to “Bullet Bagels”, as I feel this is a name that is far more suitable. Meanwhile, I am also going to speak with the government about classifying these as a weapon. Why you ask? – Well if you haven’t guessed by the name - I’m pretty sure that if you threw one of these at another person it would do the same damage to their skin as pelting them with bullets; they’re that hard and tough! This lunch wasn’t good by any standards but it didn’t produce any compulsions and all those carbs filled me up for a few hours. For dinner I decided to have a go at making a TV Stir Fry. Now I’m a veggie so this was pretty easy. I used the 10p Curry Flavoured Noddles (like Val I needed two packets) and I bought a massive bag of TV Frozen Stir Fry Veg Mix. Shockingly the noodles were more repulsive than I ever imagined – even after watching Val’s face last night as she ate hers. The veggies tasted alright although they looked ridiculous. After I defrosted them and fried them, they shrivelled up so much they became unrecognisable! The claim on the front of the packet that the beggies are a “colourful mix” is a massive lie - they all ended up an off-grey colour with a tinge of grimey green, which was pleasant! To make matters even worse, I couldn’t find TV Soy Sauce so was forced to use the “curry flavour” sachets that came with the noodles as a dressing. Two words; Never Again! Now, I came over all house-wifey the night before and whipped up some Strawberry Jelly (setting in image below)for Val and I to “enjoy” tonight. At first, I couldn’t believe the jelly’s 6p price tag – what a bargain I thought - but my excitement was short-lived. Basically, if you think of what 6p gives you in terms of typical jelly ingredients (i.e. sugar, colourings, flavourings, and pig’s stomach), you’ll be able to imagine what this actually tasted like. The only thing that I get to look forward to tomorrow is the TV Vodka Val and I brought for our celebratory last supper tomorrow night! Today comes in at a miserable 1/5 – only saved by those yummy Yogs!

Val:

So I woke up this morning with a blocked nose and a sore throat – someone sneezed on me on the tube yesterday (delightful I know!), and considering how useless my immune system is as a result of my new diet, I'm not surprised that it was enough to make me sick. I mean, I’m practically depriving myself of food - my all time favourite thing in the world - so I’m already in a sour mood, but then to top it off, someone just comes and sneezes on me! Nevertheless, I wasn’t going to let my feverishness phase me, so headed down to the kitchen this morning for breakfast, which today was French Toast. I figured that if the TV Bread was just going to dissolve in my fingers like yesterday, then I might as well try frying it with some eggs to see if it made a difference. Now, I know we said we weren't going to try TV's Caged Eggs, as we're firm believers in “free range” products, but I figured that it’s one time (and honestly, I couldn’t stand eating bland Wheat Biscuits for breakfast again!) It was probably the most satisfying breakfast I’ve had yet - I couldn’t “taste the difference” between what I made this morning and the French Toast I normally make with other eggs. Lunch however, was a completely different story! I decided to have the Value’s 74p Ready-Made Lasagne Meal which turned out to be a real treat! Amazingly, despite the fact that the pathetic portion of 300g has more than a 1/3 of the amount of salt a person should have in their entire day, the Lasagne tasted like nothing! Amazingly, TV has managed to make EVERY flavour of their crisps (and even their  “Curry Flavour” noodles!) taste like “Ready Salted”, yet they can’t make a Lasgane taste salty! So, I finished my dissatisfying lunch and headed to uni feeling dehydrated (thanks to all the additonal Sodium Chloride in my system), and dreading dinner. For dinner, I decided to go for a safe option of TV Frying Chips and Yorkshire Puddings with gravy using TV’s Gravy Granules! An odd combo I know, but I needed to use the Yorshire Puds and the chips came in a bag of over 2kg, so I figured I better start on them! All in all, it turned out to be quite a scrumpcious dinner, which was made even better when I got to see Keli’s facial expression when she tried her first mouthful of noodles! Although breakfast and dinner were good, lunch was hideous, and as I’m sick and feeling sorry for myself, I give today a 3/5.

But we’re not done quite yet; as Keli mentioned, we tried TV’s Conditioner today, and I think this has to be my favourite find so far. Not because it was a good conditioner by any means, but because the bottle literally says: “No fancy formula, still detangles your hair”. Need I say more?

TV Stir-Fry Veg Mix - Avoid
TV Potatoes - Buy
TV Gravy Granules - Try
TV Yorkshire Puddings - Buy
TV Frying Chips - Buy
TV Strawberry Jelly - Avoid
TV Ready-Made Lasagna Meal - Avoid
TV Caged Eggs - Try
TV Conditioner - Avoid!