10 Things I Hate About YOU!

10 Things that people do that drive us barmy……..

1. When somebody calls you, you miss it by a second, so you call them back and they don’t answer – where the hell did they go?!

2. When people stand and chat by stairs, in front of escalators, and in door ways, or walk REALLY slowly in front of you – freaking move!

3. When people walk the wrong way up stairs on the underground, or STAND on the left - it’s right for a reason!

4. When people narrate films – yes, we are watching it, we have eyes, and as complex as this film may be, your narration is actually serving to confuse me more!

5. When someone spends about ten minutes explaining a story (and going off in all sorts of tangents!), whilst you sit there eagerly awaiting something truly groundbreaking, only to find out that the story was completely pointless and boring, and basically, a total waste of your time!

6. When people type like the keyboard has done something to seriously irritate them – stop making so much noise, it irritates us!

7. When women (because let’s face it, it always is) whinge and whine about how much weight they have put on whilst eating a massive bar of chocolate!

8. When people say: "Oh alright, but I’m only having one"…. then you end up having to take them home, clean up their vom, and let them sleep on your sofa – what a fun night I had!

9. When somebody cancels plans an unjustifiably short time before you're supposed to meet them with a really pathetic excuse, and then you see pictures on Facebook 2 days later of where they actually were!

10. When people ring the door bell even though they have the key - we are lazy, but this is just taking it to a whole other level!

Sayings That Should Be Silenced

1).     "We’re going to party like it’s 1999" - This saying was only cool in 1999!

2).     "I’m not trying to be funny..." - Good because you are not, so please stop there!

3).     "Chill out" – Quite possibly the worst thing to say to somebody who actually looks like they need to chill out!

4).     "Epic Failure" - A new saying to the mix, and already incredibly annoying!

5).    "I’m so hungry I could eat a horse" – It doesn't even make sense!

6).     "What a lad!" – Another new one said by most “lads” aged 16-30 that "gets our goat"

7).     "Let’s get on the lash" - Lash? How did this word even become associated with alcohol?!

8).     "At the end of the day…" - What? You’ll stop saying these annoying things?

9).     "Do you know what I mean?..." (said at the end of a sentence) – No not really, explain again please...

10.  "No offence but….."- Said right before they proceed to say something incredibly offensive!

Facebook Faux Pas

1). When people update their Facebook status every 5 minutes. Why would I care that you've just woken up?!

2). When people use their Facebook status to gain sympathy. This backfires when someone "likes" your "I'm so depressed..." comment.

3). When Facebookers put their status (at 3am!) as: "I can't sleep". Yeah, we can see that, but we can actually sleep, so bugger off!

4). When people constantly change their relationship status to: "it's complicated". If it's so "complicated", then it wouldn't be so easy to declare it with one word on Facebook!

5). When people name their photo albums after Rihanna songs. "What's my name?", "Oh na na", and "Shut up and drive" are hardly the most creative titles to detail last night's drunken antics! 

6). When people invite you to events you'd NEVER go to.

7). When people say: "I look so ugly/fat/weird in this picture". Yeah, which is why you uploaded it and then tagged yourself in it.

8). When Facebookers invite you to get a particular App or game. No, I don't want to be a vampire, zombie or farmer, or know which car "suits my personality", I just want to send a quick message without being bombarded with ludicrous invitations!

9). When people tag strangers in the backgrounds of their pictures, e.g. "man with red cap haha"...er... okay....

10). When people you know really well use Facebook as a way of getting in touch with you, rather than just texting or calling you. Shocking as this may be to hear: we actually answer our phone more often than we check our Facebook messages!

Needless to say, if we're being completely honest, between us, we've probably done/do at least 8 or 9 of these. What can we say? Facebook Faux Pas are a contagious phenomenon!

The Top 10 Most Moronic Things TFL (i.e. Total Failure of London) Says and Does:

1). “There will be no service on the London Underground this weekend due to planned industrial action.” Meanwhile, we’ll use that time to install 40 new 12-inch plasma TVs aimlessly placed side-by-side on our escalators.

2). “This escalator has been turned off to save energy.”…at King’s Cross…at rush hour…

3). “This jacket is not designed to cover a thick skin.” -  Ian (the long-haired platform announcer who last year assaulted an old man!)

4). “Our staff are always here to help.” Commuter asks TFL employee: “There are currently severe delays on the Central line, what route should I take?” Response: “Take the Central line.” Right.

5). “We are constantly working to improve our service.” Which is why in 2010 we had a good service on all our London Underground lines for the entire day….once.

6). “Tube fares have increased in order to fund service improvements.” So I guess we’ll just have to take your word for it then?

7). “Feel free to contact us if you have a complaint, and we’ll be sure to get back to you.”.…in about 6-12 months.

8). 18^th October 2010: “We’re currently experiencing some minor delays on the Jubilee line, we should be on the move shortly.”… 2 hours, and several passed-out passengers later, the travellers are informed that they will have to exit the train and walk through the pitch black tunnel until they get to the next platform. They were then kindly requested to swipe their Oyster cards as they exited the station.

9). “The Waterloo and City line is currently suspended between Waterloo and Bank.” So basically, there is no Waterloo and City line.

10). “The Central line has no service between Marble Arch and West Ruislip, the Jubilee line is part suspended between Waterloo and Stanmore due to planned engineering works, the Bakerloo line is experiencing minor delays due to an earlier signal failure at Liverpool Street, the District line has no service between West Brompton and Richmond, the Northern line is experiencing severe delays due to vandalism, on the Hammersmith and City line, there is no service between Liverpool street and Aldgate, there is no Eastbound service between Green Park and Cockfosters on the Piccadilly line due to planned maintenance work, the Metropolitan line has no service between Moorgate and Aldgate, the Circle line is experiencing minor delays due to a signal failure at Bayswater, there is no escalator service on the Waterloo and City line. There is currently a good service operating on all other London Underground Lines.” – Don’t you mean “all other line”?

Even BoJo's shocked!

On a more positive note, there is one thing we do love about taking the tube: the funny platform-announcer at Waterloo who always gets the whole carriage laughing!

The Week of Peeves

We don't know why, but lately Val and I have been getting much more aggravated and annoyed at everyday life than usual! Perhaps it's all of the deadlines, dissertations and exam stress of third year, or because we haven't been able to enjoy the sunshine recently due to spending all daylight hours stuck inside a library! Either way we are peeved off at just about everything. But instead of bottling all of this inside we decided to unleash our frustrations for your enjoyment.


Every evening this week, we will list our top peeves. Monday's for example will be TFL, and each night to follow will list something different that gets our goat...


We welcome your suggestions, so please do leave comments if there is anything in particular in our categories that drives you up the wall, round the bend and back again!


Check back tomorrow night to see what TFL (a.k.a Total Failure of London) does that really peeves us off!





Tuesday - Facebook (those emtional statuses)
Wednesday - Things people say (banter)
Thursday - Things people do (walking the wrong way up stairs)
Friday - Things that happen in everyday life (forgetting our umbrella, only to find a downpour)

The not so "Great Escape"

The other week I read something in ShortList that completely terrified me. I went home and showed it to Val, who was equally disturbed. No, we’re not talking about a weird murder mystery, a psychopath on the loose, or a new Saw-esque thriller starring Justin Bieber (although that would be pretty petrifying!). Instead what scared me was an article about a new Blackberry app….

Val and I are no strangers to technology, we have a Blackberry and an iPhone 4 between us and are both avid users of the app downloads these phones come with, but this new app being launched by Blackberry takes the advancements of technology to a whole new level of creepy. Let us tell you more….

The new BB Travel app allows its users to look up their flight details (which is useful), it alerts the user of any delays and boarding gate details (even more useful), it scans their emails for any flight bookings and creates an itinerary for them (which is great!) And it syncs to your LinkedIn profile to tell you which of your contacts is travelling, when they’re departing, and where they’re heading to, in order to determine the likelihood of you bumping in to them at the aiport (fantas…… wait a minute… that sounds really creepy!)

 

To us, this is a classic case of technology going that step (or more like a gigantic skip, hop and a leap!) too far. Why on earth would you want your LinkedIn connections, presumably including your boss and colleagues, knowing exactly when you decide to get away, where from and where to? Surely taking a holiday and escaping from it should involve a bit of privacy? The Blackberry app makers clearly disagree…

To be honest, we’re worried about what’s going to happen next. Don’t get us wrong, we love our smartphones and we love their apps, but we think we love our privacy just that little bit more!

The not-so-easy access to the World's knowledge...

Right, so this weekend I thought rather than having my usual lie-in, followed by a generous helping of coffee from my beautifully simple, two-buttoned Nespresso machine, and a 45-minute session of aimless facebooking, I thought I’d accompany my fellow housemates to the British library to get a head-start on some coursework.

Now, I was warned by the girls that to be allowed access to the building’s precious reading rooms, I’d need to bring two pieces of identification and a list of the books that I hope to use once I get there. I was also informed that I wouldn’t be able to bring any: liquids (including bottled water!), food (slightly more understandable), pens (with an odd emphasis on “biros”!), handbags, or jackets (which is really convenient considering how cold it is in there), into the reading room. So, before leaving the house, I made sure to pack my passport and ID Card, as well as my well-prepared reading list.

Once we arrived at the British Library, and had gone through their security check at the entrance, we had to cram all of our stuff into a locker. We then had to place those few items that we are allowed to bring into the reading room (so basically, a pencil) into a transparent plastic bag. I then headed to the registration office where I’d show my ID, answer some questions, and hopefully get my British Library Card. It always really excites me when I can add a new card to my purse, although with all the loyalty cards I now own, I’m probably the least “loyal” person in London.

However, once I got into the office, I was told that not only did I need to have two pieces of identification and my reading list, but I also needed an original copy of a document with my proof of address! Well, I didn’t have any, but I wasn’t about to give up that easily, so I took out my trustworthy iPhone, hit the “Around Me” App, and searched for my nearest Barclays where I could print off a bank statement. I found one and headed towards it feeling pleasantly pleased with my tactful use of Apps, and the knowledge that I’d have a new card to add to my collection by the end of the day. Nevertheless, of course once I got there, I realised it was Saturday which means the banks are closed.

I think it’s safe to say that the only “knowledge” I gained from this experience is that the British Library’s Café makes a less-than-decent cup of coffee.

Our movie of the weekend!

Diverging away from our usual romcoms and chic-flicks, Keli and I decided to go and see the new action/thriller starring Liam Neeson (a.k.a. the man we believe has one of the sexiest voices on the planet), Unknown. Now, from the trailer, we were expecting this film to be pretty good – Basic synopsis: a man goes to Berlin with his wife for a conference and once they get to their hotel, he realises he left his briefcase with their passports back at the airport. So he grabs a taxi and heads back to the airport, but on the way, gets into a terrible car accident that results in him being in a coma for the next 4 days. Naturally, when he wakes up in hospital days later, he is extremely confused as to why his wife isn’t there by his bedside, or more importantly, why a missing persons report hasn’t been issued in search of him. He immediately goes to find his wife who he assumes must be distraught not knowing where he’s been for the past 4 days! However, once he finally tracks her down, she’s unaware of whom he is….or so we think…DUM DUM DUM!

The film basically felt like a 1 hour and 45 minute adrenaline rush – every few minutes someone would be jumping out of a moving vehicle, or fist-fighting a guy twice their size (and winning obviously!), or simply passing out and waking up somewhere completely different. Some jumpy bits that get your heart beating a little faster than usual, extremely convincing acting on Neeson, Diane Kruger, and January Jones’ (can’t get over how awesome her name is!) part, combined with an intelligent twist at the end, leaves you with the feeling that you got your money’s worth. All in all, we’d say that it’s definitely one worth seeing, especially if you’re in the mood for a bit of a thrill!

The Final Day - "A BT or BS Sandwich?"

They say you can’t put a price on an experience, but in this case, we’d have to disagree. This “experience” cost Keli a total of £8.64 for her weekly food shop, and me, a total of £9.97!

Keli:

“Hallelujah it’s the final day!” This was my first thought this morning before I realised to my distress, that I had run out of my morning treat - the yummy yogs! Lunch was celebratory, I ditched those vile Bullet Bagels and had a TV wrap with some tinned chopped tomatoes and cheese. This forms a pretty tasty pizza normally and actually to be honest even with the mild “buttery” tasting cheese it wasn’t that bad. After realising that everything flavoured tasted like “ready salted” I decided to actually try out the ready salted crisps. No they weren’t anything like Tyrrells or my fav Kettle crisps but they weren’t inedible. This pretty much sums up my TV experience this week. Most of the food hasn’t been particularly fantastic but then again, you get what you pay for, and we've not paid a lot! There are certain products I would definitely avoid (i.e the Noodles, Bullet Bagels, Loo Roll, Jelly), others I’d certainly buy again, and often (Squash, Pasta, Onions, Potatoes), and one thing that I loved (Fromage Frais). Feeling positive, I cracked open the TV Vodka and made myself a Value tipple. I’m not going to lie, it was pretty revolting, but to be honest, if I had used normal Pepsi or Coca-Cola instead of the flavourless TV Diet Coke it wouldn’t have been half bad. We are students after all and TV Vodka should be a recognisable bottle in our household – and from now on it just might be! I’ll give this week 5/5 for the experience (it has been pretty amusing and we have had A LOT of laughs), and 2/5 for the food (well I have to be honest, most of what I tried was rank and didn’t exactly get rave reviews!)

Val:

I can’t believe it - we’re finally here! Yes, I know it’s only been 5 days, but 5 days might as well be 5 years in food time! I’m definitely feeling much better this evening though - I don’t know whether it’s because my body knows it’s getting its food back in about 10 hours, or the 6 tablets of Paracetemol I downed yesterday, but whatever it is, I’m not complaining! So, break down of the day’s menu: I started with TV Wheat Biscuits for breakfast, I avoided them yesterday, but was in a rush this morning, so they were the easiest option. For lunch, I decided to be a bit more adventurous and have a BLT (Bacon, Lettuce, Tomato) sandwich. Of course, TV doesn’t offer lettuce, so it was more of a BT sandwich. The TV Bacon didn’t look particularly appetizing in its greasy plastic packaging, but once I got it frying, and saw the lean rashers shrivel into crispy bacon goodness, the packaging seemed like a distant memory! Dinner consisted of Cheesy Pasta. It’s pretty much as simple as it sounds – I cooked the pasta and melted grated TV Cheddar Cheese on top! I figured it was best to end the week on a high and go for a safe option. All in all, this week has proven to be a very fun and educational, though definitely “once in a life time” experience (because let’s face it, I’m not going to be doing this again!). Keli and I actually surprised ourselves and found some really good buys that we’ll definitely be getting again in the future, and of course some…well…slightly less “good” buys. The experience gets a 5/5 for me, and considering my food averaged out at less than £2 a day, I’ll give the food a solid 3/5! I think I’m going to take the £38 I saved on food shopping this week, and treat Keli and I to the biggest  and most fancy buffet in London we can find!

Bacon - Try

P.S. In case anyone was wondering, the TV Vodka cost a total of £8.29 (yes, that’s right, it cost 35p less than what Keli spent on food for a week!) 

Day 4 - "Bullet Bagels"

After the positive TV dinner experience last night Val and I woke up feeling happy and ready to try more of what Tesco’s Value range has to offer. Not phased by their utterly awful Toilet Roll we decided to try out TV Conditioner instead of our usual beautifully packaged gorgeous smelling Herbal Essences and L’Oreal. Read on to see what we thought of that “experience” (only way to describe it!) as well as seeing what we thought of our food.

Keli:

Definitely feeling more satisfied by my food last night I woke up without the “Oh great more TV food” feeling that I’ve been blessed with for the past 3 days! Breakfast consisted of those little Yoghurts I can’t stop raving about alongside the Toast. Yes, the Toast was bad as I remembered, although luckily for me it didn’t crumble – I think it’s because it’s going slightly stale – yum! Next, was lunch; after enjoying the TV Potatoes I thought I’d have a basic Potato salad made with the un-ripe Tomatoes from yesterday, sounds appetising I know!  To accompany this, I thought I’d have a Bagel, seeing as I have so many left over. Now I’m currently in the process of asking Tesco to change the name of this product to “Bullet Bagels”, as I feel this is a name that is far more suitable. Meanwhile, I am also going to speak with the government about classifying these as a weapon. Why you ask? – Well if you haven’t guessed by the name - I’m pretty sure that if you threw one of these at another person it would do the same damage to their skin as pelting them with bullets; they’re that hard and tough! This lunch wasn’t good by any standards but it didn’t produce any compulsions and all those carbs filled me up for a few hours. For dinner I decided to have a go at making a TV Stir Fry. Now I’m a veggie so this was pretty easy. I used the 10p Curry Flavoured Noddles (like Val I needed two packets) and I bought a massive bag of TV Frozen Stir Fry Veg Mix. Shockingly the noodles were more repulsive than I ever imagined – even after watching Val’s face last night as she ate hers. The veggies tasted alright although they looked ridiculous. After I defrosted them and fried them, they shrivelled up so much they became unrecognisable! The claim on the front of the packet that the beggies are a “colourful mix” is a massive lie - they all ended up an off-grey colour with a tinge of grimey green, which was pleasant! To make matters even worse, I couldn’t find TV Soy Sauce so was forced to use the “curry flavour” sachets that came with the noodles as a dressing. Two words; Never Again! Now, I came over all house-wifey the night before and whipped up some Strawberry Jelly (setting in image below)for Val and I to “enjoy” tonight. At first, I couldn’t believe the jelly’s 6p price tag – what a bargain I thought - but my excitement was short-lived. Basically, if you think of what 6p gives you in terms of typical jelly ingredients (i.e. sugar, colourings, flavourings, and pig’s stomach), you’ll be able to imagine what this actually tasted like. The only thing that I get to look forward to tomorrow is the TV Vodka Val and I brought for our celebratory last supper tomorrow night! Today comes in at a miserable 1/5 – only saved by those yummy Yogs!

Val:

So I woke up this morning with a blocked nose and a sore throat – someone sneezed on me on the tube yesterday (delightful I know!), and considering how useless my immune system is as a result of my new diet, I'm not surprised that it was enough to make me sick. I mean, I’m practically depriving myself of food - my all time favourite thing in the world - so I’m already in a sour mood, but then to top it off, someone just comes and sneezes on me! Nevertheless, I wasn’t going to let my feverishness phase me, so headed down to the kitchen this morning for breakfast, which today was French Toast. I figured that if the TV Bread was just going to dissolve in my fingers like yesterday, then I might as well try frying it with some eggs to see if it made a difference. Now, I know we said we weren't going to try TV's Caged Eggs, as we're firm believers in “free range” products, but I figured that it’s one time (and honestly, I couldn’t stand eating bland Wheat Biscuits for breakfast again!) It was probably the most satisfying breakfast I’ve had yet - I couldn’t “taste the difference” between what I made this morning and the French Toast I normally make with other eggs. Lunch however, was a completely different story! I decided to have the Value’s 74p Ready-Made Lasagne Meal which turned out to be a real treat! Amazingly, despite the fact that the pathetic portion of 300g has more than a 1/3 of the amount of salt a person should have in their entire day, the Lasagne tasted like nothing! Amazingly, TV has managed to make EVERY flavour of their crisps (and even their  “Curry Flavour” noodles!) taste like “Ready Salted”, yet they can’t make a Lasgane taste salty! So, I finished my dissatisfying lunch and headed to uni feeling dehydrated (thanks to all the additonal Sodium Chloride in my system), and dreading dinner. For dinner, I decided to go for a safe option of TV Frying Chips and Yorkshire Puddings with gravy using TV’s Gravy Granules! An odd combo I know, but I needed to use the Yorshire Puds and the chips came in a bag of over 2kg, so I figured I better start on them! All in all, it turned out to be quite a scrumpcious dinner, which was made even better when I got to see Keli’s facial expression when she tried her first mouthful of noodles! Although breakfast and dinner were good, lunch was hideous, and as I’m sick and feeling sorry for myself, I give today a 3/5.

But we’re not done quite yet; as Keli mentioned, we tried TV’s Conditioner today, and I think this has to be my favourite find so far. Not because it was a good conditioner by any means, but because the bottle literally says: “No fancy formula, still detangles your hair”. Need I say more?

TV Stir-Fry Veg Mix - Avoid
TV Potatoes - Buy
TV Gravy Granules - Try
TV Yorkshire Puddings - Buy
TV Frying Chips - Buy
TV Strawberry Jelly - Avoid
TV Ready-Made Lasagna Meal - Avoid
TV Caged Eggs - Try
TV Conditioner - Avoid!

Day 3 – “It’s like I’m eating hair!”

Today was day 3 of our TV experiment, and Keli and I thought, to mix things up a bit, we’d try a few new products from the gourmet Tesco Value range. So, we started the morning by swapping what we’d had for breakfast (i.e. Keli had what I’ve eaten for the past two days, and I had what she’s eaten – I know, we’re wild!) and we tried out a few new bits and pieces – along with TV loo roll……

Keli;

It’s mid week and I could not be more unenthusiastic about food if I tried, which is incredibly strange for me, as normally it’s on my mind 24/7! For breakfast I had Val’s Wheat Biscuits, they tasted how they looked: dry, plain, and grey- but actually not all that dissimilar I thought, from the normal brand (I’m not a cereal fan). I definitely missed my yogurts and will sure be reverting back to my TV fav find tomorrow. I really fancied a health kick today food-wise, I think the epic failure of the Crisps and “Chocolate Chip” Cookies yesterday made me realise the need for fresh produce. So for lunch I opted for a TV Tomato and Mozzarella Salad. Now normally I consider this meal a treat - I choose the nicest looking Moz I can find and always get some really juicy ripe Tomatoes. Sadly, when you’re using TV products the only option is to use “ripen at home” veggies and the most basic looking cheese. Although I bought the toms at the weekend they were nowhere near ripe enough today, which to be honest only added to the watery bland taste of the Value Mozzarella. In all honesty, if I had left the Tomatoes another week it might have tasted better, but there is no excuse for that cheese. Italians would literally spit on us if they ever came anywhere near it! It lacked everything fantastic about moz; firm yet tender texture, glossy appearance and most important the flavour of cheese! Dinner, however, was much better. Val and I shared our TV version of Spaghetti Napolitana, you can read our description below. All I will say is it’s the first time I have felt really full without having that lurking vomitus feeling in my gut – all around a nice experience! We also tried out TV Flapjacks for our evening desert/watching a movie snack. Nothing in comparison to home-made, but not inedible…Overall I’d give today a 4/5, perhaps I’m just turning nice/slightly delusional resulting from my body’s lack of nutrients!

Val;

My morning started with the very exciting Buttered Toast and Yoghurt. The bread was a real treat - I particularly enjoyed when the top half of the slice just crumbled in my fingers as I pulled it out of the toaster. The Yoghurt however, was really quite yummy; it pretty much tasted like the other yoghurts I normally buy. It then got to lunchtime (or as I now like to call it - my least favourite meal of the day!) and Tesco Value Curry Flavoured Instant Noodles were on the menu for me. However, one packet was hardly going to be enough to fill me, so I loosened the purse strings and dished out the extra 10p for a second pack! Nevertheless, after having tried my first mouthful of the “noodles”, I felt like I’d been conned out of that 10p! Now, I don’t know how to adequately describe this, but it literally tasted like when you get a strand of hair caught in your food…except it was a whole bowl of hair! The “curry flavour” was another replica of their crisps where every flavour just ends up tasting like “ready salted”! For dinner, we decided (after the disaster that was Monday’s pasta sauce) to make our own fresh Pasta Sauce, Napolitana style, using TV ingredients. Considering that the sauce was pretty much made up of: TV tinned tomatoes, salt, pepper, onions, garlic, and water, it tasted really good! We combined our successful sauce with TV Spaghetti, cooked with 1p Stock Cubes – yes you read correct 1p per cube – and they tasted as good as high range equivalents. Throughout the day we both drank TV Double Strength Apple and Blackcurrant Squash, and just like the Lemon flavour, this was perfectly nice and definitely worth buying to save money. Overall I give today a 3/5.

** Also we have had some comments about trying out other TV products, not just their food. So to make sure we please all of you – and to get a good idea of the TV range – we decided to purchase some TV Toliet Roll. At around 50p for 12 rolls we thought what could really go wrong……. We clearly overestimated TV’s products after a few (that meaning 2 or 3) successful TV finds. We worked out that although this loo roll is so cheap, it might not be that economical. The rolls are much much smaller and the paper is so thin that you find yourself using 3 or 4 times as much. Thus, in a large household, you would go through rolls and rolls in a day.

Spaghetti – Buy

Flapjacks – Try

Apple & Blackcurrant Squash – Buy

Curry Flavoured Instant Noodles – Avoid (Unless of course you’ve run out of dental floss!)

Tinned Tomatoes – Buy

Fresh Tomatoes – Try

Mozzerella – Avoid

Garlic – Buy

Onions – Buy